Order Of The Triad
by Amethyst Hunter
Summary: Oneshot. Akabane feels torn between his two greatest desires, but whoever said you can't have your cake and eat it too?


Title: Order Of The Triad

Author: Amethyst Hunter

Rating: PG (light implied m/m)

Notes: An Akabane introspective piece.

Warnings/Spoilers: See above.

Disclaimer: GB is not mine.

Summary: Akabane feels torn between his two greatest desires, but whoever said you can't have your cake and eat it too?

--

If it could ever be said that Kuroudo Akabane has a great secret in his life, it would be this: he loves the Get Backers.

Love, mind you, is not necessarily how the rest of the world typically defines the word. For the purposes of simplicity, however, this is the word that Akabane chooses to describe his thoughts as, for he will admit to a streak of old-fashioned romanticism and a person in his circumstances fancying notions of such love is an idea he finds rather fascinating.

So it is: he loves the Get Backers, but his conundrum is thus – he doesn't know whom he loves more, Ban or Ginji.

Akabane adores Ginji. He has never seen someone so adult who acts so childlike – and – it's important to note the distinction – there is a world of difference between childlikeness and childishness. The former is endearing in its innocence and fresh perspective; the latter is annoying and borders on downright rudeness. Ginji is that rare soul, one of true purity who will only resort to brutality if he feels he has no other option, and then he will berate himself endlessly afterwards for having conjured the depths of this power. Ginji is the only person Akabane knows who weeps in equal amounts over having to dispatch aggressors and the victims they've afflicted.

Akabane doesn't know how to cry, or, if he does, he has made himself forget these unpleasant reminders long ago. They are unimportant now, useless when he had them, and so it is best to forget what cannot be understood or reasoned with. To see Ginji's tears, then, is an oddly reassuring treat, for not only does it tempt Raitei, it also rouses in Akabane a tiny spark of hope that just maybe, maybe, here is someone who could mourn over the eventual passing of Doctor Jackal, when that fated day arrives. Even if it is an impersonal sort of mourning, it would be mourning nonetheless – for who among us would not want to be remembered, thought of even if only in passing, long after we have shed the trappings of our physical realm?

But Ginji cannot, or perhaps will not, bow to the darker instincts that guide Akabane, and there is hardly little point in forcing an angel to become a demon, just as there is only futility in attempting to persuade a demon to turn angelic. Ginji is for gentler handling, an ice cream date here or there, a friendly visit along the path for lighthearted enjoyment. Akabane sometimes regrets that he will never have the opportunity to duel Raitei at his fullest pinnacle, but he is learning, albeit with a sense of dull disappointment, to accept that which he cannot change.

Ban, however, is only too good at understanding the maelstrom that drives the Jackal, and this thrills Akabane to no end. Ban is the one to whom he can turn to for the kind of companionship that sets a fire in his blood, the passion that makes him throb and want and need and crave to truly be alive. Ban is someone who pulls no punches and asks no quarter; he will give as good as he gets and Akabane is quite happy to reciprocate in turn. Ban wears no mask but that which he chooses, and in his eyes, Akabane feels free to discard his own disguises at last.

Ban knows blood, and Ban knows battles, and Ban knows Akabane. This concession Akabane would permit no other but one whom he felt was his true equal, and the warlock of the ancients has proved many times over that he is a perfect match to tame the wild Jackal. Ironically, their shared understanding was born of the same gentleness that is a product of Ginji's influence, for Ban is nothing if not a master of adaptation. Even so, Akabane cannot help but feel that there is something in Ban that isn't wholly from Ginji, and this instinct calls to something inside himself, and thus Akabane finds he is almost driven to submit to the strange calm of Ban's hand amidst the thunder of his internal storms.

Akabane, however, is confused. Standard instinct tells him he is to pick only one, that he cannot have them together, but he cares for them both quite deeply (how deeply, he will never say to anyone) and is reluctant to give one or the other up. It isn't until one of his fellow transporters catches him watching the pair of retrievers one day with intense longing in his distant gaze that he is provided with the necessary solution to his dilemma.

Himiko watches him watching the Get Backers for a while, and then she says mildly, "There's no rule that says you can't love them both at the same time. It's just a different way for each of them."

Akabane ponders this for a while after she leaves. He loves Ginji because Ginji is the only soul kind enough to care to reach out to the damned and inspire him to believe (or want to believe, at any rate) that which he thought was once forever lost; he loves Ban because Ban is the only one who understands the obsession that he thrives on and has the courage to meet that challenge head-on without compromising his own principles.

Perhaps he really does love them both...just in different ways.

Akabane finds this idea quite pleasing. He freely admits to gluttony as one of his many vices, and to be told that he can, in fact, have everything he desires without sacrificing anything of importance is a freeing and exciting sensation.

This settles it. Akabane goes to Ginji for friendship – a peculiar kind, for it still takes Ginji a few moments to remember not to flinch every time Akabane offers him an eating utensil, but it is a friendship nevertheless, for who else would have the gumption to tolerate Doctor Jackal and delicious food in the same close space? They share many interesting and enjoyable discussions, and – when Ginji has to be gently reminded that while it is perfectly acceptable to nitpick Akabane's choice of hobbies and profession, it is never permissible to direct attacks towards his favorite hat – several confectionery delights as well.

When it is time, Akabane goes to Ban for consummation, to taste the darker complexities of a flavor he has found to be an acquired preference that most people lack. Akabane can lie in Ban's arms, whether on a battlefield or in a bed, and feel for the first time in his life an unusual peace that he has finally discovered his true place in the world. Ban will taunt him, of course, and rip apart his musings without a shred of mercy, but even this soothes Akabane's restlessness, for he has learned to read between the lines of the forked tongues and knows that Ban, in his own way, is communing with him in turn.

They, all three of them, are gathered on the couch of an apartment one day watching a movie. Akabane cradles the two retrievers in his arms and nuzzles them, breathing in the heady current of static that perpetually arises from one, the musky undercurrent of ageless blood-kin from the other. They look up at him – Ginji with puzzlement, Ban somewhat irritably, for he's trying to fend off his partner's advances on the last piece of pizza – and Akabane smiles at them and says, "Promise me that you will always claim me as yours."

Ginji blinks as he tries to process this, and finally offers his interpretation, "Of course we're friends, Akabane-san. As long as you don't try to kill me," he adds, partly full of sternness, partly wavering from fear. Such charming insolence is of course an endless amusement for the one being reprimanded.

"Fair warning, Jackal," Ban says when it's his turn to reply. "I don't give up what's mine once I've staked my claim on it. Ever. I'm a Get Backer for a reason."

Akabane refrains from an impolite chuckle, having correctly guessed the censure in Ban's tone from that brief glance he directed at Ginji. But he also knows that this statement is meant for him too, and he finds pleasure in the knowledge that Ban would fight for him just as hard as he would for Ginji. It is...interesting, learning what it means to care for and be cared for in return, and Akabane has decided that this emotion which he likes very much is worth keeping alive.

As a transporter, he too has his vows to keep, and since he is a consummate professional, he will likewise do all in his power to protect his claims.

--


End file.
